For a while now I have found myself in this season where I feel the need and urgency to get out there and be the hands and feet of God. It is not enough for me to attend meetings that talk about what we can do, or "just pray" (though I don't discount that as the biggest thing we can do!).
I just want to do something. I want to see the evidence that I am making a difference.
YET, there is this laziness of my sinful nature that has welled up inside so that despite these feelings I haven't done anything. I think about joining clubs, but never get my butt to the meeting. I keep intending to, "when I get back I will -" but then...nothing. This week we had a poverty symposium here at my school and I had the awesome privilege of listening to Shane Claiborne speak. Let me tell you, he is one remarkable man who is doing big things for Christ. He inspired me. We also had a special Small Group event that focused on this topic of poverty. Once again, I felt convicted about all that I wasn't doing. For all know that " If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. (James 4:17). How much sin have I really been living in? So much more than I even know. Wow. Humbled and broken.
Once we returned back to the dorm I laid on a dear friend's floor and lamented my life problems and rambled about my thoughts and emotions trying to make sense of them all.
And after all, all I knew was I needed direction.
I had a million questions, and I needed answers. Even if it was just one.
I was walking around this afternoon thinking of all this again and there was this thought that drifted through my mind of "sometimes I just feel like God stops speaking to me". I felt like I was left in the middle of a giant world, overwhelmed, with no answers, no direction. A fight, but not enough passion.
Well...as you can guess. That is not the end of the story, because our God is an awesome God, after all.
This evening before dinner my RA pulled me into her room because she wanted to ask me something. Come to find out, a small group of them are going to go down to GA to help in a tornado relief effort all day tomorrow and she wondered if I wanted to join. Immediately my heart rejoiced. It only took a split second to realize that this trip was directly from the hand of God. My schedule was virtually free, and the only thing planned could easily be moved. I had declined that trip home with my roommate, and even two of my best friends went on a trip with out me and I was bummed I had to stay here by myself. Well God knew I needed to stay, so I could go.
I also have really been in need for some service hours for my school so I can stay on track of getting 80hrs by Graduation and this has been weighing on my mind all week but I can get hours tomorrow.
There are obviously still many questions left unanswered, and obviously I still need to seek out other service opportunities beyond this, but the real reason I am so excited is because I realized that my God is still speaking. He is still vividly direction. Because so clearly, right before my eyes, a door was opened. I know they are not always this obvious, but I have to continue to trust they are always there, being opened- one at a time. This is just the first step. Hopefully from here I can start learning more and more to be aware of what He is doing and how I can serve Him.
Please be in prayer for us tomorrow if it crosses your mind. I have never done a trip like this before.
