3:40 am.
Darkness has surrounded me and despite my body slowly giving in, my mind won't let me go to sleep.
It's racing with memories, old and new. My heart is over flowing with joy and gratitude as I feel so extremely blessed.
I have spent the last week with some (20+!!) Missionary Kids (MKs) from Papua New Guinea, which has been an unbelievably special time and has been far beyond all that I could have hoped for. After half a year of packing up my world and adapting to a new one, figuring out college and the American life, it was exactly what I needed- to be able to bring in the New Year with old loved ones was such a treat.
The great thing is that MKs have this special bond that no words can describe. Even the MKs I haven't seen in years or were never close to, we still connect deeply, and even MKs from different counties that I meet- we all have this thing within in us that just has an understanding that can't be described. It is quite remarkable.
It has been so much fun because I've been able to see people I haven't seen in 5ish years, friends who have since gotten engaged, friends I wasn't close to before but now have formed a friendship, friends I thought I'd never see again and one of my very closest friends in life. We've made new memories that are separate from PNG ones, but also reflected on the old.
Part of me feels like I never left PNG because, as bazaar as it is to see all these faces again, and in a Westernized setting, it feels so natural. As much as I love my life at college, that is exactly what I needed, to totally step aside from current life and go back "home", to the familiar at least. And since I was a million miles from home this holiday season, it's the next best thing.
But in the middle of this excitement I've been reminiscing (as expected at New Years) and realizing how much has happened in the 6 months since I've left (which I haven't blogged about) despite it going by in a blink of an eye.
God has been so incredibly good to me- providing me with friends, people to fill ever little whole I might have in my life, great teachers and classes. To give me comfort in time of pain, strength in times of weakness, energy finishing many a late night paper. I have learned so much in every area of my life and just really discovering so much in me and...this world.
2012 was really quite some year. Starting in PNG blowing up deodorant cans on a dirt mound, and cruising in the back of a pick up truck, to having every "last", cramming it all with memories. Senior trip, Banquet, Grad, packing up, lock ins, retreats, holidays, outreaches, SRC events, Cairns vacation, reunions, goodbyes, traveling around the US with my mom, visits from a brother, moving into a dorm and starting college, Thanksgiving in Ohio, Christmas in Georgia. And how fitting that it all came full circle to end it with a house full of PNG folks. It was definitely a great start to 2013. :)

We've spent the week eating out, going Ice Skating (still feeling that one...), watching the new Les Mis (SO good), catching up on each others lives, playing Chinese Checkers like a pro, drinking countless cups of coffee, and just all around enjoying each others company. I am truly happy and ready to start another semester.

be still and know.

You all know that verse. that phrase. "Be still and know that I am God."
You've probably heard a sermon on it. done a devo on it.
This is something I'm working on. As a college student, this is definitely a challenge.
And sometimes we kind of have no choice but to be.
More like in a world of craziness, being overwhelmed and frazzled all you can do IS just stop.

Today was one of those days where I had sooo much to get accomplished. I had meetings and application deadlines, homework assignments and chapel requirements. Projects hanging over my head.
Today I was going to get a lot accomplished. I could do this. I was ready to conquer Thursday.
Yeah. I. But the thing is I can't do this by MYself.
Things started off ok, and I even got out of class early which allowed me time to both get breakfast that I missed AND go home to get notes I forgot. But when I lost my lanyard (meaning I got a *miss* for Chapel, despite sitting through the whole thing) things began to unravel. I didn't have time for this. I had to miss lunch, because they wouldn't let me in with out my id. I missed my friend's "surprise" for me. When I went to meet my professor for our meeting he had to run out and told me to come back later. Campus safety hung up on me after they told me "no!" they didn't have a lanyard. The Conn Center hadn't seen it.
I was on the edge of tears, with no where to turn, and an empty stomach growling.

So as quickly as I could I walked over to the little church reserved for students to pray in. (It's absolutely gorgeous in that building.) I put aside all my meetings and homework. I HAD to make time to go before my Lord. I had to be still. In all honesty, I just sat there and cried. Once again, I tried to do this all on my own. Yeah, I would send up a quick prayer each morning asking Him to help me that day...but I hadn't earnestly seeked Him each morning.

Well long story short, I gathered myself and went and finished my app, attended my meeting, and finally went back to the Conn Center, in faith that my lanyard was there. And it was. I was SO releved. And tonight I got more homework done then I could have hoped for.
No, I'm not saying that if you take time before God that everything will be magically healed...but when I left that place He had given me a peace. His presence was enough to calm my spirit and keep me focused. I realized, once again, that I really really really do need to be still. and KNOW. that HE is God. (and I am not).

me.

So I realize as I personal blog I often, if not like always talk about me. How selfish. (and here I am talking about me, talking about me.) But I think for once in my life I'm tired of talking about me.
I understand that new friends and teachers want to get to know me. How nice.
But for classes I have to write an autobiography for my class Gateway (freshman orientation course), a "Where I am From" paper for College writing, a personal calling paper for my Missions of the Church class AND do a presentation of my life in a class.
 
You'd normally think that all these papers would be simple to write, but I'm personally finding them hard. I'm not trying to forget my life in PNG, but as I'm transitioning and starting a new life here I'm trying to focus on the here and now. Be content where I am. I'm excited to be here and I don't want to look back to much and remember all I miss. But these papers are forcing me to go back there. Relive the memories and the scenery. To be back in that moment and grasp that emotions. It's honestly...draining. I'm so emotionally tired and don't know how I'll have the strength to write the Where I'm From one this weekend.

And with friends...The first question after you get someone's name is either "what's your major?" or the MK's least favorite question, "where are you from?". There is really no way around it. I can't lie and say from Ohio, cause then they ask where, how long, why, highschool etc. And they'll find out sooner or later - we do have 4 years together. So I tell them...then they ask a million other questions. PNG is a HUGE part of my life, it made up who I am...but there is more to be then the country. --Do you play sports? Yeah soccer. -Well did you have a team over there? who'd you play? --It's so complicated just to answer simple questions.

So for once in my life I'm exhausted of the "simple questions", of talking about me. I'm tired of thinking about the "good ol' days" and putting my life out there for people to try to understand. So why am I doing exactly that by blogging? Cuz I just needed to get it off my mind and I don't have to answer any questions here. And there isn't a syllabus or outline I have to follow for this. But anyways...venting session. Off to work on my paper. Have a great weekend everyone!!! :)

Couldn't be happier...

Life's jogging along at a pretty fast pace here at college, and my little freshman legs are doing all they can to keep up. But I'm loving it.
I told my mom the other day that I feel like I should be concerned how easy it has been on me. I absolutely love my roommate and we are more than compatible. She is so out going that every-time I go out with her I make a new friend. People here are so friendly, nice and easy going and I feel so comfortable. I've laughed so much the past week that my abs hurt if I laugh. I went to a church with friends this weekend that I really enjoyed and could see myself getting involved with. My professors are funny and caring. My homework is interesting *gasp* and though there is a lot I get it done. And having a Chick-fil-a, Subway & Dunkin' Donuts on campus doesn't hurt. Friends with a car allows for random adventures down town. And there are so many good programs that I'm already getting involved in.

So why am I ranting and raving about my school? Because I feel all this is a sign that God is faithful. I left PNG with so many fears. with anxiety of big college looming over me. with the stress to be a certain way so I could make friends. But God gently wrapped me up and said, "you know what. You'll be alright- I'll be with you. Dare to dream of a good time. I've got you." And I know that I have so many prayer warriors on my side going into this, and I'm grateful to each and everyone of them.

I love being here...yes in a Christian bubble, because this bubble doesn't squish my faith- it inspires it.
I love being here at a brand new place, with brand new people and I'm able to be whoever I want to be. So guess who I chose to be? ME. :) I feel like God has empowered me from day one to have the confidence in Him to be just who I am. I don't have to impress anyone. I don't have a past to make up for or a name to live up to. 

Of course it hasn't been all smooth sailing and I know there are bound to be many, many rough days ahead. But I know He WILL be my strength if I look to Him.

Thank you all for caring. Like everyone has said to me many times, "College is so much fun, and such a great part of your life." I've only been here for 2 weeks, and already am loving it. Just can't get enough. 

A giant step in a new direction...

So here I am again, back in the blogging world with renewed writing energy, new stories and probably-not-but-hopefully more time.
I realize I haven't blogged this entire summer and there is really no way I can catch you all up. I didn't put that pressure on me to try to keep up and at this point it's too much to think about to go all the way back, so I'm just picking back up right where I am, in the here and now.

The here and now is college. :) Yes. I am all moved into to my dorm room (which I lucked out and is one of the larger ones on campus.) I've met my roommate, who is a perfect match for me (so far). We've played capture the flag with our brother dorm. Watched movies. Gone to orientation seminars. Had chapel servives with awesome worship. Heard from the president. Gotten 2 free t-shirts. Free pizza. Free lunches. Free dinners. I stood in the 1 hour line to get my ID...which the photo is about the size of my thumbnail and was taken while the police office inhaled his Famous Amos cookies. We've had a surprise birthday party. Ran to Walmart for snacks. Watched a man twirl fire. Gone for walks. And then there was Deke Day.
And yes, this was all this weekend, as I moved my boxes of essential junk in on Friday.
It's been a crazy weekend, following a crazy summer, but I really couldn't be much more happy where I am.
I knew God called me to this place but He's been making that even more clearly evident to me as time goes on here. As I walk the sidewalks and smile at friendly places. As I meet sweet girls, and connect with random strangers. As speakers speak words of truth and the congregation I'm worshiping with is larger then any other I've been in. As I see godly men and women want to do the Lord's will and encourage each other. God is here. I am here. and that's all because of Him.

Yesterday afternoon we went on what Lee calls Deke day. Deke comes from a Greek word which means "to serve." And that is one of the things I love about this school. Last year alone they outputted over 72,000 hours of service. So as part of your orientation all the freshman kick off the year with a service project.
We split into groups and went and visited a total of 41 nursing homes. My group was bussed off to an Alzheimer's unit where we sat with, colored for, played Janga with, tried to talk with the patients. It was actually a really special time in which I was able to get over many of my fears or stereotypes I had of super elderly/alzheimers patients. And believe it or not, I would love to go back. Yes, it took unbelievable amounts of patience to repeat the same thing over and over again. and to be told the same thing over and over again. At times it was hard to get through to them. But they loved having us there. One lady thought we were spending the night and it made me so sad when she realized we wouldn't eat breakfast with her. I'm so ready to get out serve. Bring it.

This is stepping into something completely new, away from anything and everything that is familiar to me but I'm excited to see where God takes us. I know it's not going to be all smooth, happy sailing, but then how am I to grow? So here's to new beginnings. A direction. Another giant step forward.

Above and Beyond...

The Lord blessed me immensely with some great last memories during my final days in Ukarumpa. You could say He kind of went "above and beyond" what I could have hoped for. I had a "bucket list" of things I wanted (or needed) to do before I left and I was able to check off almost every single one of the things, plus do tons more. There were things that I didn't think were going to happen, but spur of the moment changes in plans made the opportunities fall into place.

And some of the greatest, most memorable moments in my final week were made when I literally went above and beyond. 
As a teen girl, I didn't really get the chance to get off the center very much. It's just unsafe, takes a lot of work to get organized if we are even aloud, and is a lot of responsibility on the guys to protect us if something does arise. This was always a very disappointing fact for me because I love getting off center. A 1 mile wide circle gets real small, real fast. And PNG is filled with SO much beauty.

So the boys graciously agreed to take Kaela and I on one last motorcycle ride. A real treat. And it was so spectacular. I love the feeling of zooming off center and being surrounded by the grassy valleys and mountainous horizon. Wind in hair. Open road. Setting sun. Perfection. I was taken back by the beauty once again. As we went through the little villages we were greeted by little kids on the sides of the roads with flowers in their hands that they wanted to give us. They were so priceless. PNG gets a lot of crap for it's problems and the people are not as civilized as the rest of the world, but I was reminded how beautiful and precious they are in God's sight. We rode up to the top of one of the ridges, farther then I had ever gone before and I loved the scenery. Ukarumpa was just a small lump of buildings in a sea of green. Just so gently tucked in the middle of the mountains. The feeling of being on top of a mountain with nothing but God's serene beauty surrounding you for as far as your eye can see, wind gently blowing, perfectly quite and peaceful with no worries of the world. It's close to perfect...Many more handfuls of flowers, racing the boys back to center, wheelies and jumping bridges topped of the exciting adventure perfectly.

Little ol' Ukarumpa nestled in the valley.

Looking the other direction...

So there is this unnamed tower at the unnamed location in PNG that is always a popular place for unnamed teens to "be rebellious", jump the fence, and climb. So we decided we were going to climb it before we left (since we couldn't really get in trouble...). Well we definitely went above. I actually managed to climb ALL the way to the very tippy top of this tower and touch the very last rung and when I managed to catch my breath, it was taken away again. We were doing this lateish at night and the sky was smothered in stars. Looking down you could see a whole display of the center's and valley's lights. And if you looked up you felt like you were in the middle of the Milky Way. Clear in every direction. There is no feeling like it. It wasn't necessarily an easy climb to the top, but the view was amazing. And that's like life...sometimes we got to do the hard, scary things in order to get the most rewarding awards. (I'm not endorsing being "rebellious"...just going along with the fitting analogy ;) )

Lastly, I had always wanted to go up West Ridge because the boys always talk about going up there and I wanted to go on a hike before I left, but neither seemed like they were going to work out. But on my very last day in Ukarumpa I was texting a friend (who was leaving the next day as well) and soon discovered the boys were going on a hike to West Ridge! I quickly got in on the action and after rallying some friends up, we were on our way. Well the hike was...just that- a hike, and rather far. Rather steep too. But I enjoyed every bit of it. The freedom. The views. The company. And when we got to the top, I was once again surprised. You could see the whole center from up there...and more specifically, my house. And I realized we were on the mountain that I always looked at from my window. And the fence we are leaning against- the tiny little sticks I've looked at for years. It was so great seeing everything from another angle. And it was so fitting to stand there, on the outside, taking a moment, and looking in on that place I had called home for 15 years. It truly was the perfect way to end my time in PNG.

I seem to feel that God often shows his unfailing love to me through the beautiful sunsets he displays, and that last night was one of the brightest, most intense skies we had had in a while. I sat on my porch, thinking of the scenes I had just taken in, thinking of the chapter that was beautifully coming to a close. The last time I'd see the sun sink behind those mountains, yet God was practically screaming his love, comfort and faithfulness at me.

And as I look back on all this I am reminded of the verse my mom so often quotes:  
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21)


"Beyond all we can ask or imagine"...in other words- our God goes above, and beyond!

Chopsticks optional.

I couple days before I left Ukarumpa I was invited over to my Korean friends house because his family was having a "house warming party" thing cause they just moved. He said that it started off as a small party, but then "like everyone on center" was invited and so we can come to. Plus, his dad had bought 30 kilos of meat (that's like 66 pounds!!!) so there was plenty to go around. Kaela and I decide to go a little late, just to make sure Seung Jun (our friend) was home from soccer and all but when we showed up we...hid. We quickly diverted the back porch party and hid at the front porch trying to get Seung Jun out of the house. There was only Koreans in the back, having a grand ol' Korean time...it was intimidating. Kevin showed up and we finally worked up the nerve to go to the back. Quickly they forces us all to grab a plate but as we would go for different foods we'd get "oh oh oh spicy!" so we would quickly change our options. The meat was amazing! Lamp chops, ribs, chicken lets, and I don't know what else. Korean food has a great reputation for being ah-maz-ing among us in Ukarumpa - and it all lived up to it. A couple more friends came and Seung Jun eventually made an appearance asking us "Feel awkward yet?". Considering the fact that the chairs where aligned in a giant circle and so everyone could see everyone. Yes. Considering that we had no clue what they were saying when they asked Seung Jun a question and then all would start laughing. Yes. But it was fun. Mr. Lee just kept bringing around more meat, heaping it on our plates.

After we were done eating we had what Mrs. Lee told us was a "Musical concert". There is a Korean man in Ukarumpa who is a professional opera singer- and he's amazing. So we formed another circle around a campfire and he played his guitar and sang songs. I tried to sit on the outside of the circle cause I was still finishing my plate, but they all had to move their chairs to fit mine in. *awkward.* And somehow all the boys ended up on the other side of the circle, laughing at me. (Kaela had to leave so I was the only non Korean girl).
But it was such a odd but special moment sitting in that circle. Here I was surrounded by like 30 Koreans in Papua New Guinea, listening to a Korean sing English....then Pidgin...then Korean. The moon and stars where out above us and the fire was crackling. My favorite part was when he sang "How Great Thou Art" in Pidgin.
It was such a beautiful song and I loved hearing it in Pidgin. It truly was a blessing and a special honor sitting there worshiping with the Korean community.

After the "concert" they served us up huge bowls of cake and icecream that we had to force down and us teens just hung out by the fire. The boys played capture the flag with the little kids for a bit and we just hung around talking and laughing.

It really was a special and relaxing evening and I was reminded what a privilege it was growing up in a diverse, multicultural community. Koreans are such hospitable, generous, generous, generous, fun people and it's always enriching and humbling spending some time around them. Their Korean community in Ukarumpa is founded so strongly in God and always a blessing to the center. It makes me realize the importance of finding a community to fit into that will keep me rooted where I need to be as I go forth into the world.

So if you get a chance, spend sometime with a different culture and see what you learn. :)