It's not hard for me to go back to that moment when I was at my very weakest. Collapsed on a grassy part of the trail leading up the side of the mountain with Emma at my side. Strength drained from every limb of our body, feeling like we can't move another muscle. Having hiked for hours (stating at 2am) it felt too late to turn around- but the only way was up. How would we make it now? We had set out on an adventure- to the highest point in PNG. Mt. Wilhelm. The rest of the group was far ahead of us but we sat there weak and tired. I remember bowing my head and praying a simple prayer pleading with God for strength. I thought about how it's by His strength alone I can do this. My mind flashed back to the little "church service" we had that morning at base camp where we read the words found in Isaiah 40:29-31 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength... It wasn't an instant zap of God's holy strength, but slowly I was filled again. With renewed determination Emma and I made our way to our wobbly feet and kept putting one foot in front of the other. It took complete determination, but we would NOT give in. We continually saw God give us the strength we needed step by step up those steep trails. It was hard though, as there were sections when we could only go 10 feet then would require a couple minutes to rest, yet our guide was soo ever patient with us. "Just around this corner" he would claim...well there was many corners, but it kept us going. I have to say- up to this point of my life, it was the hardest thing I've done...Yet, I saw some of the most breathtaking views on that trip, learned some life long lessons on the side of that mountain and completed one of the biggest accomplishments - I made it to the top. Once I saw that tower that marked the top- the adrenalin kicked in- majorly. I was practically race walking around the rocks and couldn't get there fast enough. My guide had to tell me to slow down so the couple others with us could keep up. Sitting at "the top of the world" was an amazing, surreal moment. The hike down was almost harder, my knees had taken a lot of strain and each step hurt. The steep decline was hard to navigate but step by step, I made it down until we finally reached the cars late that afternoon for the 6 hour drive home.
So why do I bring up this memory that is so clear in my mind? Because I feel like this can be so applicable to my life right now. These next 2 months are probably going to go on the list of "one of the hardest things I've ever done". How are you really suppose to say goodbye to a place you've called home for 15 years, knowing you'll probably never be back? How do you leave friends that have been practically sisters for years? How is easy to completely change your life in a radically different way? You can't, but I'm not doing this alone...God is by my side.
I really do have a point to this, I just always require a large amount of words to get anywhere ;) This transition is like climbing that mountain. There are times when it's so hard that I feel like I can't keep going or move a muscle. My strength is gone, but it's in that moment of weakness when God shows up in big ways and, like He promises, He'll give strength to the weary. And just like my guide, He's persistently encouraging, getting me around each bend I can't see. But with the struggles can come some of the most beautiful things. As we race against the clock and the pressure of things coming to a close builds, some of the most precious memories are born. And though the journey can be hard, and each step may bring pain as I work my way down the trail, it can't last forever. I must trust that there is an end to the trail if I do not give in to the fatigue that this earthly body or worldly soul has. And most of all I must remember that I can not do one moment of this journey by myself. I must lean souly on HIS strength. Just as God didn't fill us with all the strength we needed to let us zip all the way to the top, He gives us just enough strength to make it step by step. We must wait upon Him in hope, so we'll have renewed strength. I do have the anticipation of going to college in the fall and all the exciting things that brings. I'm looking forward to my future. I was so looking forward to being at the highest point in Papua New Guinea, it was just the journey that made it hard. But really?- would I have appreciated the view as much if I hadn't hiked for 6 hours? Sometimes in order to fully appreciate some of the greatest things in life, we must go through some of the most challenging times. Walking up the trail, you could only see small sections of the trail at a time, but once we were high up, or at the very top you could look back and see the whole thing winding up the side.-Going into the hardship we can only see a bit at a time, but once we're at "the top" we can see the big picture a bit better. We're stretched and strengthened and come out a completely enriched person, if we let ourselves not get caught up in just the hardship. And we need to take time to stop and take a look at the view. There is no doubt that I'm a stronger person from that trip up that mountain and I hope that I'll be stronger from journey I'm on now.
It won't always be easy, but we must just always take one step at a time.
(btw- the tiny white speck on the left side of my head- near the top lake is the base camp where we came from. It was cool to see how far we had come...)
It's amazing what you can accomplish if you put your mind to it and let God help you. You really are stronger then you think you are.
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