retracing the footprints

Here I sit...the last day of 2011. I survived another year. :)
This time of year always brings about reflecting on the old, aspiring for the new.
I will definetly take some time tonight to think back on all that I've done this year and make a list of goals for the new year.



SO much can happen in one year. I think of all that I've done and learned this past year and I think of how drastically different my life will be this time next year.

It's still hard to believe that 2012 is knocking at the door. 2012 - that big date that always seemed so impossibly far away, and here it is!
I thank God for the blessed year He gave me and I'm excited to see what He has in store for this coming one. :)
I'm taking my last steps out of 2011 and the year is gone, but I leave behind my footprints and hope that some of those have left a good impression.

I must remind myself that I can't dwell on the past, but I mustn't forget the lessons I learned, the blessings I was given and the memories I gained. Here I go, looking forward in excited anticipation. It's time to live in the moment. <3 So slip on your heels, light your sparkler, bang a pot and raise a glass --- HERE'S TO A NEW YEAR!!! :)

catching my breath

It's easy at Christmas to get all caught up in the lights and the presents, the cookies and the movies, the friends and the family...in the crazy busyness of it all. Fortunately, living in PNG, there isn't as much commercialism as there is in other parts of the world, but never the less, I guiltily admit I expect Christmas to be more then just a celebration of Christ's birth. This afternoon, after all the thrill, the watching TV, playing games...I went to my room and starting busying myself and I suddenly felt overwhelmed and like...I couldn't even hear myself think! I had to just turn everything off (all my TV shows, facebook etc) and sit there for a moment and just catch my breath. Too much.
In my last blog I shared a lot about my Christmas morning- the presents and the memories...but there is a lot that I left out, the emotions.
(Now if you're tired of hearing me blab on, stop here...but I do promise to try to add more depth in this post :D )

This year I attempted to focus more on the birth of our Lord and Savior. In my Religious Studies class @ school we've talked quite a bit about the Incarnation so I combined all the things we learned there and the stories in the Bible of this holy occasion to reflect on what this day marks. The two things that have come to my mind the most this year is 1)how much Christ had to limit Himself to come on this earth with us, giving up SO many of His dimensions & 2)what would it be like to be in Mary's shoes. Would I/do I have the faith like her? etc.

Last night at the beautiful reflective candle light Christmas Eve service I was also reminded of all that Christ was for the us/the world and to, the purpose of Him coming (to ultimately die for our sins). Through out the season, God has laid various other things on my heart, exploring the roles of Joseph, how the little things mattered, the humble shepherds and the Magi...He has definitely used this bitter sweet Christmas to keep me alert of what He has to say. What did God teach you this Christmas? (leave in a comment :) )

There comes a key source of emotion. I sit here, worn out from a busy week and a very exciting day, but I'm not ready to go to bed because I can't bare the fact of saying goodbye to my last Christmas in PNG. I hate to have turned into the sappy girl who cries at every little event that is her last, but 6 months from today I'll be arriving in Cairns. Half a year...that's all I got. So as I start to mourn it, I realize- it's time to start making the most of it!

If you know me, you know I have a hard time living in the moment, and many times have a hard time being content. This afternoon (after all the excitement/emotional high wore off and I was worn out)I was just kind of bummed. All my friends and loved ones are doing something big this Christmas, going somewhere (like Cairns), seeing someone special, being all together with loved ones, ect. Now don't get me wrong- I had a great Christmas, and I LOVED being with my parents today but...
I miss my family in America, skype was a blessing, but just not enough. The jealousy bug has bitten and I wish I was on one of those planes taking me away from here. But I must be content in the moment. *sigh*

Now that Christmas is over I feel like "real life" must start again. Back to jogging, back to working, back to college apps, back to ______. And with that comes stress!! :) I'm trying to just relax and enjoy this break, but it's slowly ticking away and there is still lots to do! :/ Gotta get working.

There are so many other emotions compiled on top of these, but I will spare you the details ;)

Here's just a reminder of some of the things God is for us. A good reminder (for myself at least) after thinking through all these different emotions how God is SO big that he can help us with any need we have. How great is our God!?!, Our Lord & Savior, who was born into the world in the most humble of all ways.

Christmas in the Walker home

Hoping you all have a very Merry Christmas!!
I sure had a special day.
It all started with waking up at like 6 (I never sleep well the night before), I tip-toed out into the living room to look at the presents sparkling under the tree's lights. I stole my stocking and retreated back to my room to open it (a tradition allowing us to open that whenever we so desire). After that I went for a little walk outside to find some Christmassy flowers for my mom then just entertained myself until my parents were ready to start the day.
After a relaxed cup of coffee and yummy breakfast, the reading of Jesus' birth and a prayer we turned to our presents. It was still strange only having 3 people to open, but we enjoyed each others company and took our time. We like to "play" with our "toys" when we open them to spread out the fun. So when we get a new shirt, we try it on, we all smell the perfume, look at the book, sometimes we open and eat the chocolate...you get the picture.
I love my mommy! This year she tagged our presents a little different. She had them "from" lots of different "people". So I had presents from "Saint Nick", "the Grinch", "Prancer", "Vixon", "Frosty", "Little Cindly-Loo Who" etc. and even the "Easter Bunny!!" :P It was so cute & fun!! :D
I'm so blessed and am happy with the things I got.

Some of notable items are:
-my GoBible from my Grandma (an audio Bible)
-cute clothes & accessories from my parents
-the "new" season of Psych for my family!! :)

Once the last present was opened and the floor was covered in crumbled paper we took a quick breath then went and watched TV and played a game together. Now we take a break from all the family time before we regroup a bit later to make dinner. I could use a nap!!
It was a very special, memorable, fun, relaxing, bitter sweet, last PNG Christmas.

Here's just a glimpse into our day: :)

Before the beautiful reflective Christmas Eve service.

Lots of Peanut M&Ms going around. We love 'em!! :)

A lot of this went down ;)

My present to dad :)

My present to mom :) (well not totally done...need to add a few things :/)

I love Christmas!!!!! :D (& in my new bright orange BeMobile shirt :P)

P.s. It's a beautiful blue skies, very hot hot sunny day!!!

waiting...

I try to make myself believe this in hope that it's true and God really does have someone special out there, like everyone promises me. <3

the beach? an opera? PLAQUE?

(...on a lighter note :) )
This morning I had to go to the dentist...

When I was young, like most kids, I hated going to the dentist- it was scary!
But then when I was a preteen I had to get braces, meaning I had to go to the dentist every single month, for about a year straight. I became so natural there that it was like going to my best friends house. Well the braces were removed and me and my best friend and I (Dr.Dane?) grew apart :( so when it was time for me to go again today...I was taken back to my childish anxieties.
My appointment was for 9:30am...I didn't know the world operated that early!!
So (being on my break sleep pattern) I woke up groggily with not much time to get myself together.
I realized that because I had to walk down I didn't have time to eat!
But then I realized I couldn't eat on the way down, because my mom would kill me alive if she found out I went to the dentist without brushing (:D hi mom!!). What really is the point of brushing when you're going to go get them cleaned?! It's like losing weight before having liposuction!! Anyways, I put some crackers in my bag, grabbed a bottle of water and headed out the door.
Half way down the hill, and half way through my bottle I had the rational fear that not only will I be starving, I'll have to PEE the whole time (sorry for the potty talk!). I slipped in right at 9:30, to have to wait for 20 min. So what did I do? Finished off my water as the crackers whispered to me from inside my bag. I was worried I'd have to remind myself not to nibble on his fingers and that I can hold it! But once I sat on that chair, that those two things were far from my mind.
My dentist was Korean...and I knew I was in good hands, because Asians are known for being clean. And I love Korean dentists, because they feel like they must say everything twice. "Air, this is Air, aairr".
As he reclined my chair and turned on the overhead spot light, I tried to pretend I was lounging on a nice beach...it didn't work. It wasn't just the opera playing in the back ground that busted that imagination game. He put a towel over my face so I wouldn't be splattered with water (which still managed to make it up my nose) and I only could see a peek of blue sky out the bottom, through the window, reminding me there is hope.
Well I love technology!! He used this "high frequency" tool that just looked like a dangerously sharp pick that vibrates and spews water. It scared me, but it meant no painful flossing, gum bleeding, teeth brushing with weird gritty tooth paste, and no spitting.
The tool that I don't like was the "suction"...when you close your mouth on it and then you feel like half your lip got suctioned down to the whole thing!!
Once he did the bottom it was time for the top...and he had to adjust the chair.
"Chair down, chair down"...and it kept going! Until my feet were far above my head and I was sure all my blood would be in my head and I would pass out! Luckily none of my fears came true and he was done rather quickly.
My teeth honestly didn't feel much cleaner afterwards, but I knew I was much more plaque free. And what did I do when I got home? ate. There goes those clean teeth...haha soorry, I was hungry!
I learned a few things today- the dentist isn't too bad, wake up early enough to eat and brush, and I'm never going to be a dentist when I get big.

*fast fact= Justin Beiber wears an invisilign :P

don't worry...

Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 11:28
"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, with transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through him who gives me strength."

The day break officially hit I was thrilled to be free! To just be bored...relax...not worry about anything. But quickly I realized it felt like I still had responsibilities hanging over my head...weighing me down. I tried to attend to them, but it still wouldn't go away. Yesterday I became overwhelmed with stress and worry, just about life. I made a break "to do" list (which I usually live by) and was not thrilled to see it longer then I had hoped. But it is nice to have it all written out so I can make a plan of attack.

I think a lot of the stress and anxiety is from having so much on my mind...just about my future, about finishing things up here, planning events and over-analyzing things.
The other part is that this last semester, though it was fast, wore me out. This semester wasn't overloaded like semesters I've had in the past, but it just took more out of me emotionally, psychologically, spiritually...therefore physically. Much of it comes from being SRC President...which I knew would be a big task when I took it on...and this break I still have a lot of planning to do. We are going to Lae at the beginning of January to drop off good at the Hospital, which we raised the money for at carnival.
And then there is college. I really was hoping to make it into this one, but everything got put on hold because of 1)slow mail 2)needing to prove I'm a US citizen and 3)them being gone for holidays. I try to trust God, but I'm starting to become anxious. Starting to finish off other applications. Everyone else is getting excepted everywhere...why not me?! And I need to apply for scholarships. As I said once...I like to have the future planned and known to me, so I'm feeling very out of control.
There's the little things, like Christmas presents, planning a monologue for play auditions, sorting through all my accumulated junk, preparing to help with the VBS, etc. and it's all built up.
And then I worry that because I am busy this break that I won't get rested and next term is going to be SUPER busy and I wonder if I'll survive. All this worrying is making me worry! I need to be set free!!

I looked up these verses because I needed to remind myself to NOT WORRY!!
God is showing me not to worry, not to stress, to take it one day at time, rely on HIS strength, stay focused, and keep pushing on.
I'm still not totally free from all this anxiety but I'm working at it slowly. (and then the phone rings and I'm reminded of another thing I need to do....haha it really just did)
If you're the praying type, I would appreciate if you sent up a little prayer for me. Thanks!! <3
(sorry this was kind of a venting session)

inspiration to change the world

Quite honestly, tonight I was rather bored and desperate for some blogs to read (now that I'm addicted and all)...it's been hard finding ones that I enjoy reading or relate with (and that update enough so that I always have something to read :P) but, once again, I searched for something that grabbed my attention. Through a round about way I found http://misselainious.com and immediately was intrigued. The caption is "1 dress. 100 days. for orphans". Well, I think many of you know that God is growing me a heart for orphans, and as I looked deeper I found that Elaini has an incredible faith. Her blog posts are so eloquently written and are laced with so much truth and amazing reminders about our awesome God.
That's not the coolest part. What she did was took a simple black dress and wore it for 100 days straight (washing it of course) and accessorizing it in 100 different stylish ways to raise money for orphans in India. Well she completed her 100 days, and now she just puts together cute outfits. She is currently doing the "12 days of Christmas", having her friends model in beautiful dresses that fit each day. She has raised a total of $42,044.90. (goal=$50,000)
I'm so inspired by her story, her dreams, her blogs, her faith...by her! and the work God is doing through her.
It makes me think...can I have dreams as big as Elaini with the courage to try and make a difference in this world. What does God have in store for me?
I can be doing better then this.
So check out her website. I love it and hope you will too :)